I’m in a sheet of rain - 

I lose sense of place and time.

​

I don’t realize the first time. 

I count how many times until the last time. 

​

​

My first apartment.

The first day, everything is blank.

The last day —

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I’m always having serious emotional problems in airports.

I’ve learned to be, not that attached.

​

The day I’m leaving

I park near a big rock.

I see...

very clearly...

a star drop into the water.

It’s a huge stone... 

the big rock.

Some landscapes are… 

surreal.

​

​

I’ve learned.

Leaving and coming is a normal thing.

Between here and there, the distance is shorter.

People leaving is a natural thing.

Not an unbearable thing.

When people leave, it’s not actually leaving.

It’s just the percentage of time and space they occupy… 

diminishes.

The people who leave are like… 

background music. 

​

Now looking back, it’s a little funny.

Very real but still a little funny.

​

I feel the opposite. 

I feel like the first day of my life all the time.

I’m in a void.

And a lot of times I feel like I’m glad I didn’t die before this moment.

But when moments are very good, when I start to want more. 

I need to tell myself to calm down. 

This is just another moment.

This is just another person and it will come and go.

​

We’re all selfish. I don’t think we can help it.

​

It might be a joke. 

Nobody is perfect, everybody is beautiful.

​

When I was young.

I hate to speak

I’m so shy.

I hate to be put.

You’re so scared.

I can not do this. 

Ev’ry time. 

I’m so scared.

Now, I don’t.

But I still have 

The nightmare.

That moment. 

I’m so scared.

Why do I have to be?

That person.

Always says yes.

I can not do this. 

But I have to.

I should cry.

But I never cried.

And I never cried after.

But it becomes a nightmare.

The moment.

​

When I leave.

I’m looking forward.

When I sit down. I think about how I came to this moment.

And then it’s gone.

The homesickness, it’s just with me one day.

​

On airplanes, time is frozen.

​

I talk to myself. 

I go back to that memory.

This in my life changed me so much.

I had this thought.

I just thought it was me, crazy.

It feels like you’re going to die.

And I regret.

​

It’s so real, that moment.

The biggest sadness of my life.

Because it happened. 

Because I had that feeling of talking to my future.

This will happen.

I cannot do anything.

I cannot turn back time to tell anybody.

I cannot unremember.

What else?

Everybody’s so quiet.

Have you fallen asleep?

​

I have the feeling that no matter how much you know somebody, you will be apart.

And that makes me feel —

​